I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
