it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
