That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
