well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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