Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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