my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
