Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
