Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
