You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
