I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
