I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
false alarm, still single
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
