you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
