Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
