dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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