Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
