I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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