I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
