No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
