i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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