I smell stomach acid.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
