dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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