i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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