how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
