I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
