I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
