I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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