so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
