there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
