he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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