Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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