Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
