I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
