I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
