you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
