i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
