I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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