On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
