I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
