yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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