Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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