I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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