If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
