Jerry, you need to find god
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
