i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
