pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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