I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
