There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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