is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
