He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I smell like Dick and happiness
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
