I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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